Recently, I was driving down the highway with a friend; we were headed to San Francisco to catch a concert. So we’re driving along, just shooting the breeze…when out of nowhere, a Volkswagen decides it would rather be DIRECTLY where my vehicle is than in the lane next to me. After the abrupt cut-off, I sighed and proclaimed, “Friggin’ white people!” My friend turns and says, “Dude, you can’t blame white people for everything bad that happens to you!” I replied, “…that sounds like a challenge.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present:
Ways In Which White People Are Responsible For Everything Bad That Has Ever Happened. EVER.
(And don’t try to pull that whole “Adam and Eve were in Africa” card now…you’ve been making the “Every Major Biblical Figure Was White” bed for years now. Time to sleep in it, bitches.)
We’ll start by getting the major ones out of the way. American Slavery, Segregation, KKK, Assassination of Dr. King/JFK, and, most likely, Global Warming? Whitey. Syphilis, Influenza, Smallpox, Polio, Black Plague (ironic name), Tuberculosis, and probably AIDS? Thanks, Paleface. Reaganomics? …Reagan. Carrot Top, Gallagher, Carlos Mencia? Cracker Central. And I realize Mencia isn’t white, but I hate that d-bag.
Rather than rambling on (and because I’m feeling lazy), I’m going to just use one massive shortcut to prove my point.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present:
Ways In Which White People Are Responsible For Everything Bad That Has Ever Happened. EVER.
(And don’t try to pull that whole “Adam and Eve were in Africa” card now…you’ve been making the “Every Major Biblical Figure Was White” bed for years now. Time to sleep in it, bitches.)
We’ll start by getting the major ones out of the way. American Slavery, Segregation, KKK, Assassination of Dr. King/JFK, and, most likely, Global Warming? Whitey. Syphilis, Influenza, Smallpox, Polio, Black Plague (ironic name), Tuberculosis, and probably AIDS? Thanks, Paleface. Reaganomics? …Reagan. Carrot Top, Gallagher, Carlos Mencia? Cracker Central. And I realize Mencia isn’t white, but I hate that d-bag.
Rather than rambling on (and because I’m feeling lazy), I’m going to just use one massive shortcut to prove my point.
Go ahead. TRY to tell me this asshole isn't responsible for all the pain I've ever felt.
mencia isn't white? who knew?
ReplyDeletebut seriously, everybody knows that gays invented aids.